After a pretty average training session with the Causeway Bay Badgers it is ritual to go for a drink; due to being cash stricken at all times I have purchased a cheap dinner before training, a quarter chicken and dried banana, it was a solid main and dessert combo for HK$40.
We started in the white stag and I quickly slaughtered my first beverage, it was a fine drink, so cool and refreshing every bubble that exploded on my tongue brought a great deal of joy to my taste buds. So I had another and another and so on.
We ventured to ‘Amazonia’, a club where vagina is in abundance, GREAT RATIOS. As a group of 8 men, you have to live by ratios. We dominated that club, centre stage we were ‘those guys’. When I had my trousers round by my ankles and aggressively dry humping a girl I had never met right in front and I didn’t get thrown out, I knew it was one of those places where anything goes. Why have bouncers when you let a fully grown serial dry humper do who the fuck he wants, I should have been stopped. I was a little sweaty so I had a couple of my dried banana slices, I offered them to my friends, turns out, “DRIED BANANA’s ARE GAY!” And I had them repeatedly smashed at my face, the golden shower of the dried banana world. I picked up a couple of girls numbers and headed back to Ricky’s flat.
Ricky Factfile
- Ricky ‘the Strangler’ Jones
- 30
- Australian
- ‘Strangler’ derives from the fact that he likes to strangle girls whilst copulating with them.
- L.A.D
We got back to his, he put on some loud music, we played a Kanye West song 4 times in a row, not because it was on repeat but just because we like the song. We obviously had communal porn playing at this point too, while we smoked a joint, looked for prostitutes and played jenga. It felt normal.
Unfortunately the professionals were not willing to provide their wonderful services to Ricky and myself. So I thought I would text one of the random numbers (thai gyal called Suwsphat) I had picked up in Amazonia, Ricky decided he needed to command this boat, so he used my phone
Ricky-“HOW MUCH FOR 2 DICKS?”
It was fairly aggressive, but it worked. So she came round, we were high, flaccid and playing jenga, she joined the game which was intense. Suwsphat was more weather-beaten (old as fuck, she had a persistent dry cough and insisted all the lights were off bar one candle) than I remember from the darkness of the club. This went on for around half an hour… HK$1500 for another player in our jenga game, most expensive game of jenga. The sexual tension was increased when I decided to get completely naked, Suwsphat started crying, rude bitch. On top of this, she had forgotten our names.
Suws-“What you name?”
Ricky-“Ricardo”
I analysed what name he used, he used the start of his name and made it spanish sounding so I did the same thing.
Me-“Daaaangerous”
Pause
Me-“Yes, my name is Dangerous.”
For the rest of the night we only refered to each other by these aliases.
Suwsphat and myself began to make love, as she was a little cautious of Ricardo but he was happy to watch for a bit, and he was happy to commentate on the entire thing.
“Yeah Suws, suck Dangerous’ dick”
“You like his big dangerous dick?”
“Look at that asshole!”
“Yeah Dangerous! You go champ!”
It truly was inspirational. Eventually she warmed to him, by that I mean I went to the toilet and when I returned she was sucking his dick, her ass was flared up in the air and by God Ricardo was right, she did have a nice asshole. I started taking her vagina while she went down on him. Ricardo was sat receiving head with a lovely large glass of white wine and a cigarette which we shared whilst Suws was putting in the ground work. We had a chat about how nice the wine was, the aromas, the flavours, the price. STILL INSIDE HER.
We were mixing positions, letting her smoke in-between sucking cock, laughing, high fiving, breathing heavy, laughing. It was a moment to remember.
I woke up in the morning and she was under a sheet motionless, like a corpse, and Ricardo was naked sending emails to work. For a moment I thought ‘The Strangler’ had done something terrible. But we woke her up and made her leave. He treated me much better, such a good morning after a shag guy, scrambled eggs on toast, soy milk, chilled tunes and best of all eye contact. I felt like a princess and that I had done the right thing by not going in to work until 13:00 in the same clothes I wore to work the previous day and no socks, the socks got lost somewhere.
Floyd
Floyd & Wolf 